Wednesday, Sept 21st
I dozed off for about an hour after Dawson left. Dreamed about having his baby. But then I was in some sort of teenage TV sitcom, and I found out that it wasn’t Dawson’s baby, it was Brooklyn’s. But neither one of them wanted to marry me, so Aiden suggested I marry him and he raises the baby with me.
It was a very emotional dream.
The girls and I seriously need to stop watching The Secret Life of the American Teen late at night.
Regardless of the dream trauma, my real life is carefree and happy. Dawson makes me happy, makes me feel good, loves me. Life is good.
Well, except that I have to go to class.
But I get out of class to make some phone calls.
Call Marcus, talk to him about party planners. He recommends three for me to call, then he says, “Just give me the date, and I’ll make the calls. You should be in class.”
“What about a DJ? Aren’t you friends with that guy that records all those remixes, the one that did Tommy’s birthday party on that yacht?”
“Yes, I am. I’ll call him too. This is a bit short notice for him, he’s usually pretty booked, but I can maybe call in a favor he owes me.”
“That’d be awesome. Hey, you get to see me in a couple days.”
“And meet Gorgeous.”
“You really all need to start saying DAWSON. I swear, if you call him Gorgeous when he’s there, I’ll die.”
He laughs, hangs up. (All of the above got cut. Because, it’s boring…snooze…)
I bite you, make you mine. (But this upcoming scene, another one of my favorites.)
In Aiden’s dorm. In french today, he seemed like he had gotten over his little tantrum, or whatever, so I agreed to meet him tonight to study. We just finished up our homework, and I’m standing up by his desk, throwing my workbook in my bag.
I say to Aiden, “Okay, so I gotta go meet Aiden.”
“But I’m right here, Boots.”
“You said you have to go meet Aiden.”
“No. I said Dawson.”
“No. You said Aiden. Your subconscious WANTS to be with me.” (Yes, it does.)
“It does not, I’m just distracted.”
“I distract you, huh?” He walks up and stands right next to me. Distracting the shit out of me. (Love how he distracts the shit out of her, but she says no.) But I say, “No.”
My hair is up. He gets closer to my neck.
“You have a pretty neck.”
“What? No. It’s too long.”
“Naw, it’s like almost regal,” he says, staring straight at my neck.
“Maybe for the Queen of Giraffes.”
“I want to kiss it. You know, I’ve never kissed your neck.”
He puts his hand up to my head. And smiles at me, pushing gently, “Tilt your head.”
What? Why, is what I am going to say, but he grins and I comply with out question.
He takes the tip of his finger and glides it down the side of my neck, blinks lazily and then puts his lips like our almost kisses. As close as he can possibly get to my neck without actually touching it.
His nose touches slightly and his chin, but not his lips.
And even though his lips don’t touch, well occasionally, he accidentally, or on purpose, maybe, who knows a god’s train of thought on this, touches it with his cheek.
I can feel stubble. He hasn’t shaved in a few days, and it is quite sexy on him. Makes him look very grown up.
You ever rub balloons across your hair and make it stick straight up? That’s how my whole body feels. All my nerve endings or synapses, really I don’t even know what a synapses is exactly. I think it’s in the nerve family, whatever, they are all sticking straight up like balloon rubbed hair. (God, the sexual tension about kills me when these two are together!)
He’s still at my neck, says, “Too bad I’m not a vampire, I bite you, make you mine.”
“Trust me, you don’t want me. Dawson and I’ve been dating for almost like a month now. He’s told me I love you so many times, and I just finally said it back. And I don’t know why. I’m not great at commitments maybe. But we’ve done some stuff, and I really like it, like him.”
His mouth is still at my neck. I had hoped to piss him off with my reference to sex with Dawson, so he would move his powerful lips away from me, instead he whispers, “Just because sex is good with someone doesn’t mean you’re destined to be with them. Imagine what it would be like with the guy you’re really supposed to be with.” (Wise comment. And I think something Aiden finally figured out.)
When he speaks, his lip graze my neck a few times.
“You’re touching my neck. With your lips.”
“I was talking. Not kissing. Doesn’t count.”
And I don’t know where this comes from..not from rational thought, but I make a little breathless moan and say, “Talk some more.”
I feel his mouth form a smile on my neck.
“Remember what I told you. In french. Your lips are my bliss?”
Then he speaks it in french, his lips at my neck. His lips grazing my neck with each syllable.
I forget who I am.
I forget where I am.
I forget I have a boyfriend.
I can only think of one thing.
Those lips. How they must be on me.
“Aiden, come here.”
I grab his face. “No like do that to my lips, the not kissing kiss.”
“It won’t be enough. You want to kiss me, don’t you?”
“Uh huh.” (We all do!!)
His head moves slowly from my neck to my mouth. His lips are just a quarter of a millimeter, no more like a gnat’s ass, away from touching me. I lean forward and brush them with mine.
“Boots, Boots. I can’t kiss you. You have a boyfriend.”
Screechhh!!!! All nerve endings feel like we were just in a car wreck. We just hit a tree, and the airbags didn’t deploy. And I’m pretty sure we just went through the windshield. The nerves come to a sudden horrifying stop. I feel like I have whiplash.
“I hate you. I have to go.”
Why didn’t you tell me?
Dawson is kissing me very enthusiastically. And I’m not really that into it. The almost kisses with Aiden have made me distracted. And I have no idea why.
Yes, actually I do. I am mad. Mad he would tempt me. Mad I would fall for his little godly tricks of seduction. (Godly tricks.)
“What’s wrong?” Dawson asks me.
“Oh, just got done tutoring Aiden, so my french homework is done, but I still have math and a sociology essay to write. I don’t know why they have to pile all this homework on at once.”
“Wait? The person you are tutoring in French is AIDEN?”
“Uh, yeah, you know that.”
“Uh, no I did not. You didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I thought I did. Everyone knows I’ve been tutoring Aiden. It’s not a secret.”
“Well, you didn’t tell me. He has a crush on you.” He squints his eyes at me. “Has he been hitting on you?”
I don’t want to lie to Dawson, and honestly has Aiden been hitting on me?
Really, he hasn’t.
What he has been doing is more in line with godly torture.
“No. He sucks at french, almost failed last year, and he needs it to go to whatever ivy league college he wants to play soccer or whatever at. And if he was hitting on me, I would quit, and he’d be stuck, so he’s fine. We’re kind of getting to be friends. Especially now that he’s on the social committee.”
“He got on the social committee too?”
“Yeah, I thought you were going to?”
“Why did he get on the social committee?”
“Uh, oh, well I kinda asked him to.”
“But you didn’t ask me?”
“I told you when I first met you, you should get on it, but you didn’t so I didn’t think you wanted to. And I asked him so Peyton would stop hating on me. And I didn’t think you could help with that. I needed a buffer. I mean I had to dance to ten more songs with him, but then he did it.”
Shit. Why did I just say that?
“You danced with him?”
“Yes. Gosh that all sounds kinda bad, huh?”
“Um, yeah, it honestly does. Do you like him?”
“No. I like you. Love you.”
“I love you too. It concerned me that you hadn’t said it yet, but you’ve said it like twice now.”
“I’ve felt that way since the Hamptons. I just wanted to be really sure when I said it. And I know you say it, but are you really that sure?”
“Yeah, I am.”
He touches my neck. The same spot Aiden touched a bit ago.
“You make me happy, and I have fun with you. We talk about everything, well, I thought. And like I’m sooo attracted to you. You know how you drive me crazy, Keatie.”
“Well I think you know the feeling is very mutual in that area. It’s just the last guy I said I love you to, and that told me he loved me, he didn’t really. So I’m a little skittish on the whole professing love stuff. I’m sorry.”
He snuggles up to me. Is so sweet. Kisses me sweetly and says, “I’ve been saving this for the right time. Now feels like the right time.”
He gets up, digs around in his top dresser drawer, under all his boxers and sliders, where I happen to know he keeps his condoms hidden, and pulls out a little wrapped box.
I know I gave you my class ring to wear, but I wanted you to have something more.
I open the little box from Tiffany.
Inside is one of their adorable silver key necklaces. I have multiple versions of the Tiffany key necklaces. Mom went a little crazy when they came out because they are keys, like key, key, Kiki, you know. Anyways I have keys and a lock as well, but maybe he’s never noticed.
“The key to my heart,” he tells me.
And well, that’s pretty damn sweet. I let him put it around my neck, forget about Aiden and kiss him. And maybe we do some other stuff too. (Although he gives her the key to his heart in this version, I like the way it happens better in the real version and how she won’t take it right away.)
Thursday, September 22nd
I’m pretty sure your panties are yellow today.
Dallas and I are walking to English. “So how’s the sex kitten doing?”
“You know what I’m talking about,” he laughs and flirts his eyebrows up and down.
“No, let’s talk about you, Mr. I’m Talking To Eight Girls. What else you doing with them?”
He looks at me, his eyes serious. “You know I’ve never done it, right?”
“Actually, no. You didn’t tell me that.” I can’t hide my surprise. “You’re a really good kisser.”
“Well, I’ve had a lot of practice at that,” he grins. “And with this psychic panty thing, you’d be surprised how many offers I have had.”
“So why haven’t you?”
“I’m holding out for you.”
I roll my eyes at him.
“Fine,” he says. “Maybe I want it to mean something.”
“Really? That’s really cool. I didn’t think most guys were like that.”
“Yeah, well, I’m more than just your boy toy,” he laughs.
“Any one seem like they have potential?”
“A couple, but I’m not talking to them.”
“Well, you know I think Katie’s really cool, but she likes Carson, I guess.”
He looks bummed.
“Yeah, but I don’t think that’s gonna last.”
“What about you and Dawes, you gonna last?”
I smile big, just when I hear his name. “Yeah, I think so. I hope so. Like it feels like it will.”
“Dang, you’re my back up plan. I was thinking about getting you drunk, making it special.” (I love Dallas!)
He wraps his arm around my shoulder and says, “Oh. Hang on. I’m getting a strong vision. I’m pretty sure your panties are yellow today.” (And his psychic panty network.)
Another one of those moments.
I’m in class a few minutes early. I need to sit down and text Marcus. He’s sent me like five long texts. He has a party planner and even got the really good DJ to commit. For FREE!!! Must of owed Marcus a BIG favor. I reply, giving him the details that he asked for. I see Miss Praline out of the corner of my eye making a beeline for my desk. (Chop. Chop. This is cut.)
Shit! She can’t take my phone from me now, can she?? Class hasn’t even started!!!
She stands in front of my desk. I don’t even try to hide my phone, but put on my sweetest and most innocent face.
“Keatyn, I’m handing back the tests today.”
“Do you want to know what Aiden got?”
Oh. And then I realize, yeah I do want to know. But then I’m afraid he bombed it, and she is going to yell at me. But she looks sorta happy. So I say, “I don’t know. Did he do okay? Like we’ve really been working hard, I thought he would at least pass.”
“Keatyn, look!” She whips out his test from behind her back.
There in front of me is his test, with a huge red circle on the front. Inside the circle is a large red C+. I’m immediately disappointed.
“Oh, wow. I’m sorry. We’ll have to work harder,” I say.
She gets a big grin. “Work harder?! Do you have any idea how excited he is going to be? He failed every test last year. If it weren’t for daily grades, extra credit and a special project I let him do, he never would’ve passed. This is amazing!”
As more people walk in, she says, “Shhhh.”
Aiden says hi to me, but he rolled in right before the bell rang. I turn around and say, “I think we get our tests back today. How do you think you did?”
Miss Praline makes us wait til the very end of class to hand back our tests. The bell has already rung. She hands me my test. Apparently tutoring Aiden has hurt my grades because I got a A-.
She walks behind me, puts his test down on his desk, just as I am standing up and says, “Good job, Aiden.”
I have to turn around and look at him. His eyes go wide with shock. Then he jumps up, grabs me, lifts me up in the air and twirls me around, “We did it! I got a C! I passed!”
Then for a second. As he was sliding me back down his body, setting my feet back on the floor, it happened. Another one of those moments. Where we just stood there for a second and stared at each other. He looked down at my mouth, and I thought for sure his excitement was going to make him forget my boyfriend and pay me back with a kiss. (Aww!!) But then Annie groans and the mood is broken.
Annie mutters, “Shit. I got a C too.”
I guess it’s all about your perspective.
Aiden is walking me out of class, excitedly talking about his grade. Dawson is waiting for me. Aiden says to him, “Dude, your girlfriend is awesome!” high fives me, and practically bounces with happiness away.
“What was that all about?”
“You know the test we studied so hard for, the other night, when you were mad at me?”
“He got a C.”
“That sucks. Why’s he so excited?”
“He’s failed everyone of his tests, until I started helping him.”
“Oh, so a C was good?”
“Yeah, but we’ve still got a lot of work to do.”
“So the tutoring wasn’t just an excuse to hang out with you? Peyton was always telling me how he’s some straight A student. Sorry, I just, it seemed weird.”
“Speaking of weird,” I say, and then I pull him close to me, kiss him, and then whisper something in his ear. Something I have never done before, but think I want to try.
He runs his hand through his hair. “Jeeze, Keatie, pretty soon I’m gonna be failing. That’s all I’m gonna be able to think about today.” Then he smiles, cocks his head sideways a bit and says, “And trust me, it’s not weird at all.”
Then I remember I have a meeting tonight.
“Oh, wait. I have a meeting for the social committee tonight at 6:30. And it might go late. We have a lot to plan. Don’t tell anyone, but we may have something really cool planned for homecoming. You’ll love it.”
“Okay, but you can’t tell anyone until we get it all approved.” He nods at me, kisses me. “I think we’re gonna have an after party. At a club. From like midnight til six the next morning. Dancing, VIP section, one of the best DJ’s in the country. It’s gonna be really fun.”
“That does sound fun. That your idea?”
“I think it sounds amazing, but uh, back to your other idea.”
Pizza was good, dinner was productive. The dean even came with us, to hear all our ideas. He even liked the idea, since schools always worry about drinking and driving and things after the dance. He likes the idea of us at a club that won’t be serving alcohol to minors. So we have his blessing for the project, and he even agreed to write the email for us, to all the student’s parents asking for donations. He suggested we have a few teachers as chaperones, and we didn’t love that idea, so we agreed to hire like bouncer type people instead. A few people wandering around making sure no one is doing anything too illegal basically. Brad excitedly has the club lined up, we have a DJ, and a party planner, so other than making sure we can afford it and talking details with the planner, we pretty much are set.
After dinner, when we’re driving back to school, Aiden stops at drive thru for ice cream. I think that’s really sweet until I realize he wants to talk about the dreams we didn’t talk about the other night, when I slept through our meeting at the cave.
“I thought there had to be alcohol involved, for you to tell me about your dreams.”
“I didn’t say there were dreams. I said a dream.”
“Oh sorry. Semantics.”
“Well, I don’t want you to think I sit around and dream about you all the time.”
I take a big lick of ice cream with my tongue. Brooklyn always told me that drives boys crazy. They apparently like to see you licking things. I lick around the cone slowly.
“This is good,” I tell him. “Thanks for stopping.”
“Oh, thank you,” he says, mesmerized by my tongue. Ha. It’s good to know I have a little power of my own. I like it when Aiden seems like a normal boy. Makes him easier for me to deal with. (It’s so cute how he’s watching her lick the ice-cream cone. And I love how she’s purposefully doing it.)
“Thank me for what?” I say, and take another big lick all the way around the base of the cone.
He blinks. “Uh, um, for helping me get the C.”
“Oh, yeah, that. But I thought our goal was a B? Or don’t you want to come to France with me anymore.”
Then I get the god like smile. Shit. He licks his own lips.
I try not to drool.
“Oh, I’m definitely going to make a B. Can we go to the Eiffel Tower?”
“Well sure, but our house is like in a rural area of France. But we can go to Paris for a couple of days, why not?”
He raises his eyebrows up and down at me, “It’s gonna be very romantic, you know.”
“Maybe I’ll bring Dawson with us. Like if we’re still going out by then.”
He gets his face in close to mine. “You won’t be. You’ll be with me.” (He’s right. She will be. But it doesn’t seem like it at this point. They are both kind of stubborn.)
“You know you keep saying that. It makes no sense.”
“Why doesn’t it make sense?”
“Because you don’t even really like me. Like one minute you act like you like me, the next minute you act like you hate me. I couldn’t have a relationship like that. I always know where I stand with Dawes.”
He looks irritated by this.
“So are you going to tell me about your dream?”
“No, you’re going to tell me about yours.”
“Then you will tell me yours?”
“Okay, so it started out I was like in this clearing in the woods. It kinda looked like the cave, but there were streamers and ribbons and flowers hanging from all the tree branches. It was gorgeous. I was actually getting married. I had on a white dress with golden embroidery, it was very Robin Hood marries Maid Marian feeling. Anyways. I’m getting married, and I don’t know who the person is that I’m marrying because I can’t see him through my veil, but like I know it’s the guy I’m in love with. So we get married and even when he kisses me, it’s through the veil.” I stop. “This sounds really stupid, I can’t tell you the rest.”
“No it’s interesting, go on.”
“Fine. Okay, so then I’m in Dawson’s dorm room. I’m pretty sure he is who I married. And so the other day, uh, well I was sitting, maybe kinda straddling him in his desk chair, and so in the dream, my new husband and I were doing the same thing. He slowly took my dress off, I was naked on top of him, we were, uh consummating the marriage. But I still had the veil on. And then in the middle of it, like when he was like, you know, we were doing it, he lifted the veil, and I could see his face.”
“Wait, so does that mean you and Dawson did that like for real?”
“Uh, I wasn’t in a wedding dress, and I wasn’t all naked, but uh, kinda.”
He starts the car. Looks pissed. Black eyes, drive me back to school in silence.
He squeals into the parking lot, gets out of his car and starts walking. Doesn’t say a word to me.
I get out of the car. Not sure what to say. I mean I thought he would love the dream. It was him I was with. He was the guy I was marrying him. I was going to tease him about how what he says like is affecting my brain. “Don’t you even want to know who I married?”
“No, not really,” is his response as he marches away from me. (Oh, he’s pissed!)
I text Dawson.
Me: Hey, just got back. Sorry, we’ll have to try that thing this weekend 🙂
Dawson: Can’t wait. But hey, we’ve got twenty minutes. Come give me a good night kiss at least.
Me: Be right there.
I follow the marching god to his dorm. When he turns to open and go through the door, he notices me. “Are you following me?”
“Uh, no. I’m going to see Dawson for a few minutes before curfew. And um, he and I are going to stay with my parents this weekend, so I won’t be able to tutor you.”
“Good,” he says and marches up the stairs.
Friday, September 23rd
Baby, what the hell?
Last night I had a dream about Aiden telling me his dream, then he says since its just a dream we can act it out and it won’t be considered cheating. And I happily agreed and he started doing things to me.
I woke really concerned that my mind would say acting out a dream in real life is not cheating.
Well if it was a dream, and you were pretending to be dreaming when you were doing it and possibly in a heightened state of consciousness, would it be cheating?
Surely someone would have figured out that loophole before me. So probably not.
I have a sense of deja vu. I remember more of the dream. In said that to Aiden, and he said, No you think outside the box, you color outside the lines, its not cheating.
I wonder if Aphrodite was good in bed.
I mean we know she was clearly capable of seduction, but like technically once they were seduced, was she? I have a sudden need to find that out.
I’m in first period on my phone googling “Was Aphrodite a good lover?” when Riley grabs my phone and reads it. (Her Internet searches crack me up.)
“Baby, what the hell?”
“Aren’t you going away with my brother this weekend?”
“You’re still obsessing over the god.”
“No, I’m not. I’ve just developed a scholarly interest in Greek mythology.”
“Bullshit.” (That’s exactly what I was thinking.)
But I look at what it says anyways. Basically I learn that Aphrodite represented the power of love. The kind of love from which you can not escape.
No wonder she had so many guys captivated.
I learn she rules all aspects of love, desire, beauty and sex. Here we go. Oh, my. She was also considered the mistress of pleasure. She symbolizes passion, nakedness, and sex.
Oh wait, there’s more. Once Aphrodite enters into a relationship, her powers go beyond love and sex and include deep friendship and the connection of souls.
Yeah, I’m basically screwed.
I’m completely distracted during the rest of my classes. Between worrying about connections of the soul, I’m also worrying about if I’ve packed well for the trip. I want the trip to go well. I want Dawson to fall even further in love with me. I want my parents to love him. I want it to be amazing.
I’m packed and ready to go. I’m a bit nervous. I still haven’t told him about them really. Like who they are.
I’m sitting on his bed, he’s getting stuff out of his closet when his phone buzzes next to me. The buzzing catches my attention, and I can’t help but glance at it. What I see, however is disturbing to me.
There is a text from Peyton.
It says: Baby, please.
I could look at the rest of the texts, it would be easy, he wouldn’t even notice, but instead I take a direct approach. And I’m probably not going to be very nice about it. I knew this day was going to come. I knew it. I just had started to believe that it wouldn’t and surprisingly, I feel like I got sucker punched in the gut. Knock the wind out of me punch.
“You just got a text from Peyton.” (Whitney. LOL.)
He walks out of the closet looking white. “Uh, I, um….we’re just talking.”
“Just talking does not say, baby please. I get it. We did it. Yay! Our image makeover was successful. She wants you back right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You know, I knew this would happen. I’ve told myself all along this would happen. I’ve been expecting it. What I wasn’t expecting was for you to lie to me about it.”
“I didn’t lie. She just started texting me about it this afternoon. And I wasn’t sure what to tell you yet. Here, look at the texts.”
He shows me her texts. She is saying things like don’t go with her this weekend, stay with me and we can hangout, see what happens, she’s trying to rope you in, seriously, she’s like 12 and you’re meeting her family already?
And based on how Dawson replied to her and that fact that he is still not packed, tells me all I need to know.
But first, there is someone else that needs to see this. Jake.
I keep his phone, the door to the bathroom is locked, so I run out Dawson’s dorm room and next door. and barge in his room. He’s standing there wrapped in a towel getting ready to change.
“Keatyn, what the hell?”
“You and Peyton are still going out, right?”
“Yeah, I’m getting ready to go pick her up right now.”
“You should maybe look at this first.”
He sits down, reads the texts. Slumps and says, “What a bitch.”
I take the phone back and calmly walk into Dawson’s room.
“So, congratulations, you’re finally getting what you dreamed of. What we worked toward. You can go to homecoming with her, be the perfect king and queen couple and be happy. I knew this would come. I knew it would happen, I’m just a little surprised at how bad it hurts. You’re single now. Have a good weekend.”
I managed to some how say all this with out bawling. There were tears streaming down my face, but I stayed in control. I also acted like he was still my friend. I think I just gave a academy award worthy performance.
“Keatie,” he says. “Wait, don’t. I just, you know this is what I wanted, and now she’s like begging me to take her back, to give it a try. I feel like I have to do this.”
“And every time I said that you were going to do this to me, you swore you would never get back with her, that I was the one for you. You lied. She was right. You are a liar.”
He hangs his head.
I walk out the door, well sort tear out the door.
I find myself at Riley’s door with a tear streaked face. I pound on it. He opens it, and I lose it, dive my head into his chest and start bawling.
“Oh shit,” he says, “Am I gonna have to kick my brother’s ass?”
He wraps me in a tight hug. Runs his hands down my back, comforting me.
Dallas walks in, says, “Oh boy. I just ran into Jake. He’s freaking pissed.”
“Yeah. He should be.”
“Are you okay? Aren’t you like supposed to be leaving for the airport right now?”
“Yeah. Hey,” I sniffle. “What are you two doing this weekend?”
“Come to Vancouver with me. See my family, chill with me, please. I promise it will be fun.”
Riley is still hugging me. “You know me and Dallas, baby, we’re up for anything. How much time do we have?”
“How soon can you pack?”
“Give us ten minutes, what should we bring?”
“Um casual, but nice, maybe one nice slacks type outfit, swimsuit, jacket, some shoes. Anything else you need we can borrow from Tommy.”
“Tommy is your step dad right?” (Obviously, this scene was very much changed. Although she had every intention of taking Dawson to see her family, in the final version she realizes that she can’t really trust anyone, so she ends up going to Miami to see Damian perform, and ends up running into Vincent. It’s in that scene that she also finds out that Dallas has a secret and is the son of a senator. However, I love that Dallas and Riley immediately want to go with her. And in this version, they still make the video that pisses Dawson off. Which is the video that starts Riley on his future career.)
“Well, he and mom aren’t married yet, but he’s been with us for five years, and I adore him, so yeah, he basically is.”
I hug them both, say, “Okay, I gotta run do something. The car will be outside my dorm,” I look at my phone, “Well it’s probably there now, so just meet me there when you get packed.”
“Don’t we need to order tickets? Are we gonna miss our flight?”
I smile a little. “Um, naw. I think they’ll wait for us.”
I decide to face Peyton before I leave. Walk to her room, knock on her door. She’s sitting on the phone, talking to Dawson or getting yelled at by Jake, I can’t tell. She looks very surprised to see me.
“So I thought you wanted to be my friend. I know you were in charge of pairing the big and little sisters. I thought you chose me to be friends, but really, you were just keeping an eye on me. Well, the jokes on you. I gave Dawes an image makeover. After you destroyed him, I helped him give a shit about life again, helped strengthened his relationship with Riley, made him look trustworthy, settled, desirable. All to get you back. And guess what? It worked. You fell for it. And in the process, you lied to your boyfriend and made Dawson lie to the one person who actually really cares about him. I wish you two the best. You deserve each other.” (Although this ends up being Whitney and this portion of the scene gets cut, I kind of like how she went and stood up to her here.)
And I walked out the door, went to my room, grabbed my bags and loaded up in the back of the town car. I’m very ready to go home.
Jake texts me.
Jake: I’m so fucking pissed.
Me: I told you this would happen.
Jake: Yeah, you were right and funny part of it is, I was planning on using her, and somehow she managed to use me.
Me: Yeah 🙁
Jake: You okay? Dawson’s an idiot if you ask me. I saw him last year with Peyton. She like ruled him. He was so much happier with you. He’s gonna realize what a big mistake he made.
Me: Idk but thanks.
Jake: So I used to have a date for Homecoming. You wanna go together?
Me: I think that would look bad. Like we are trying to get back at them, I have an idea of someone you could ask though.
Jake: 🙂 do tell Jakey.
Me: Vanessa. (This is funny. I forgot I put this in here.) And here’s why. Her high kicks are better than Peyton’s, and Peyton hates that. She dislikes Peyton because they competed for captain and P won. She’s also extremely flexible, and her moral compass points just a little north of sleazy. And she doesn’t have a date yet.
Jake: We hooked up a little soph yr. I’ll text her and see if she can hang tonight and wants to go with me. Piss P off. What about you? Who will you go with?
Me: Idk. idc.
Jake: <3 U 🙂
Dawson: Keatie, look, I keep trying to call you. You need to let me explain.
Me: You weren’t packed. You don’t need to explain. Don’t text me this weekend. I don’t want to talk to you. Have fun with your dream girl. Bye.
Looking good is the best revenge.
Riley and Dallas pile into the town car, and we head to the airport.
“So what did you mean by, they’ll wait for us?”
We get to the executive airport, the town car pulls out on to the tarmac, and our pilots start unloading our bags. Mom did get me a fractional jet membership, but since they weren’t using our jet, they sent it for me.
Our pilot, Captain Michaels, gives me a hug. We get in and the boys let out a whistle. “Damnnn. This yours?” Dallas asks.
I nod my head.
“My brother’s missing out,” Riley states.
I start crying again.
Marcus has sent Billy and James as our personal escorts. Once in Vancouver, apparently someone thinks I need security.
James comes over and sits down next to me. “Kiki, what’s wrong? Oh, wait. Marcus told us you had a change on the guest list.”
“Haha you could say that. This is Riley and Dallas, my best friends. This is James, and that petite boy over there is Billy.”
James says, “You look like you could use a drink. You want some of Tommy’s scotch? That’ll put some hair on your chest.”
“I’m pretty positive I don’t want hair on my chest. I’d like a shot of Don Julio and a lime please.”
Then I add, “And maybe a valium.”
“Very funny,” James says.
“Well, it’s worth a shot, I mean if you’re passing the shit out.”
“Make it three shots, we all need to relax,” Riley says.
“Not me,” Dallas says as he reclines in a supple leather seat, “I’m as cool as a cucumber. But I will definitely take a shot.”
Riley says, “So this is like your family’s jet?”
“What do your parents do?”
“Um, they are in the entertainment business.”
Dallas butts in, “Like are they porn stars or something? Cuz that’d be cool.”
“Not that kind of entertainment. Like just normal movies and stuff. You’ll see when you meet them. Maybe you will recognize them or something.”
James says, “And please, for all our sakes, if you don’t recognize them, pretend that you do.”
He sets our shots down. I start to down mine, and Riley says, “Not so fast, Kiki. Here’s to the three best friends anyone could have. I love you guys.”
And yeah, he even sang the three best friends part like they do on that hangover movie. It was funny and sweet.
I drink the shot and start crying again.
My phone keeps vibrating. I have like eighteen missed calls from Dawson.
“Riley, please tell your brother to stop calling me. It’s stressing me out.”
He gets on the phone, calls him, says, “Just thought I’d let you know me and Dallas are headed to Vancouver with Keatyn. Also she wanted me to ask you to please quit calling her because she’s not going to answer.”
“Um, yeah, very. What the hell did you expect?”
“Yeah, well you know how I feel about her. And that makes you an asshole in my book.”
Then I interrupt Riley and say, “Wait! I do want to talk to him.”
Riley hands me his phone and I say, “Why do you keep calling me?”
He replies, “Keatie, I screwed up, I don’t know why I even considered it.”
“Bullshit. You did more than consider it. My advice to you is spend the weekend with her. See how it goes. This is what you wanted. You got it. You won. Now, enjoy it.”
“Will you stop saying that. Yes, it’s what I wanted, what I thought I wanted, but when you walked out that door, I felt like part of me died.”
“Good. I’m actually glad to hear that. If you and Peyton aren’t back together on Sunday night, maybe we’ll talk. But I doubt it. Bye.”
Then I get online and do something I usually don’t care about. I change my Facebook status from in a relationship to single.
Then I put as my status, Vancouver with my two favorite boys 🙂 then I tagged Riley and Dallas in the status.
Dallas sees it. “Hey, you tagged me. Sweet. I’m gonna change mine too. Read it.”
“Dallas McMahon is fly like a G6, no wait, I’m flying in a G6 wiff my bffs. Cute.”
He tagged me and Riley.
Riley’s hold me out his phone, so I can see his.
Riley Johnson: My brother’s an asshole. Team Kiki all the way!
Dallas laughs, “Ohmigawd, I have to like that status.”
My phone buzzed with a facebook notification. “Oh wow.”
“What?” both Riley and Dallas say.
“Aiden just liked my status. The single status.”
“Well of course he would,” Riley says. “He likes you.”
“He also liked my team Kiki status.”
Riley’s phone keeps buzzing and buzzing.
“Damn, baby, a lot of people are team Kiki. We all love you.”
“Thanks Riles,” then I grab a blanket, lay my head on Riley’s lap and try to sleep.
I’m thinking I seriously picked the wrong brother. Except that I really did fall for Dawson. Like I feel so dumb on top of it. I knew this would happen. I knew Dawson would get happy, and she would decide she wanted him back. I kept telling myself that, but he kept telling me it would never happen. And I started believing it. And falling for him and loving the sex and all that. He was so perfect. Sweet, hot, adorable. Too bad he doesn’t really love me. Too bad I actually love him.
I guess I did doze off because Riley wakes me up about ten minutes later, “Baby, I gotta pee.”
“Besides,” Dallas says, “how can you sleep. WE ARE IN A FREAKING G6. I’m living a rap video.”
“Except where is the Cristal and all the hot girls and my crew?”
I smile. “Well, you’re crew is kinda small, but no one really likes you, so that’s no surprise.”
“What’s that song, if they could see me now?”
“We do have Dom.”
Dallas says to Riley when he comes out of the bathroom. “Get your video camera out. We’ll make a video.”
I say, “Hang on.”
I grab my bag, run in the bathroom, touch up my makeup, actually I do more than touch it up. I make myself look like a rap star video girl. Heavy eye makeup. Red lips. I tease my hair out with my hands, flip my head upside down, hairspray it, and try and get it to look big and slutty. Then I put on a bikini top, teeny daisy duke shorts, my highest platforms. I pull my thong up so you can see it just above the shorts. Mom always says, looking good is the best revenge. I’m about to get some revenge.
I walk out, Riley whistles, “Damn, baby.”
“Wait!” I run into the bedroom. Tommy keeps clothes in there. I grab a hat, two ties, a jacket, and a pocket square. I make Riley take off his shirt, throw a tie around his neck, half tie it. Then I slip a jacket on him, add a pocket square. Grab Billy’s aviators, make him put those on.
Next I grab Dallas, spike up his hair way up with some gel, put a tie over his polo shirt, take his pants off, so he’s just in his boxers. Put some Ray bans on him.
“Oh yeah,” Dallas croons.
Billy is big, but he is also black, and likes to rap. He’s actually pretty damn good at it. James is shorter, lethal looking. Ex military.
“Okay, we’re gonna make a video. James, you start videoing and this is for fun, so don’t like freak out okay?”
“You mean I”m gonna be famous?” Billy says. “I’m in.” (The video is much the same, except for the addition of the body guards. Which actually would have made it fun too.)
“Hell yeah,” the boys respond.
I start by shaking the bottle of Dom. James videos the bottle, then does a shot of the bottle popping. Dallas holds the bottle as champagne shoots suggestively into my mouth. Dallas swigs from the bottle, and I start dancing up against him. Also make out with him. Then we video tape Billy rapping. Then we video me sitting in the cockpit on Riley’s lap. We even put the pilots hat on him. Then I walk up, straddle him, and playfully put the pilots hat on me. He’s pretending to fly the plane, while I’m pretending to uh, fly him. I’m straddling him. Lap dancing, sorta. Then we do a few shots of James, in his black suit, reflective glasses, earpiece in his ear, like he’s secret service. He’s got his arms folded across his chest, but is lip syncing to the rap music we are playing in the background. Then some video of Riley, me and Dallas, dancing, bumping, grinding all together. Drinking champagne, being naughty. Looking like we’re ready to have a wild threesome. I pull on Riley’s tie, pulling him toward me. Kiss Dallas again. Then kiss Riley on the cheek.
Riley adds some pan shots of the inside of the plane, makes me dance by myself, me with the bottle, me in sunglasses. I tape the boys, separately, rapping to the song. Lip syncing the words. We played the same rap song like multiple times in order to get all the shots. Then Riley pulled out his mac, and they started editing all of it into a video. About the time we are starting our decent into Vancouver, it’s complete.
Naughty, fun, complete.
We watch it one more time. Laugh hysterically and then Riley posts it to You Tube with a link on his Facebook page. “Dawes is gonna come unglued,” he says with a naughty smile.
“He probably won’t even see it. He’s probably all caught up in Peyton’s strawberry hair.”
“Oh, that’s one of the things he told me and Dallas that he loved about her, like the night we first really got to be friends.”
“You know, Peyton is gorgeous, but she’s so like, straight laced isn’t the word, but like she doesn’t let loose. She seems cold, untouchable. You are just as pretty, but your chill, cool, it makes you way sexier, baby,” Riley tells me.
“Why do you call me baby? No one else calls me baby, well actually Tommy does. But usually that’s something you would call your girlfriend.”
“I don’t know. It just fits you. You’re like a baby that needs watching. I gotta protect you, keep you outta trouble.” He kisses me on the cheek.
I’m tempted to kiss him back.
“Ha!” Billy laughs, “Good luck with that one.”
Dallas is watching the video of me, “I just figured out who you remind me of!”
“That movie star, Abby Johnston. Your hair is different, but something about your face, you look like her kinda. Has anyone ever told you that?”
“Yeah, a couple times.”
We land, taxi, unload our stuff into a Town car. James says, “Hey, just talked to Tommy. He says they are shooting late tonight. Some night scene stunt. He thought maybe you would like to bring the boys there?”
“Like an actual movie set?” Riley asks.
“Yeah,” I say.
“That sounds cool,” Dallas says.
“Tell him we’ll be there.”
We’re in the car when Riley’s phone starts buzzing like crazy. People are seeing the video and commenting.
Dallas messes with his phone. “Holy shit, we have 67 views already!”
“Uh oh,” Riley groans.
“My brother is not a happy camper. Look what he just texted me.”
Dawes: WHAT THE FUCK?
“Reply. You have to reply. I want to know what he’s gonna say.”
Dawes: Saw your video. You’re dead.
Riley: No, you’re dumb. You should be here with Kiki, not kissing Peyton’s bony ass.
Dawes: Are you showing our texts to Keatie?
Dawes: Look, I know I screwed up. I just got kinda full of myself cuz I wanted her back for so long. Then finally she’s begging me, saying baby please, saying Keatie is too young, all that shit. And I just felt like I needed to try.
Riley: Then get off Facebook and go try. Figure it out. Hang out with Peyton. You’ve finally got what you want. Enjoy bro. I know I am 🙂
Dawes: You kissed her. I hate you.
Riley: Only cuz I’m right and only on the cheek.
Riley: Nope, this is what you wanted, remember?
Dawes: You really think I should hang out with Peyton? See?
Riley turns to me and Dallas, “What should I say?”
“I have no idea. Part of me wants him to hang with her and realize he wants me, the other part of me is afraid if he hangs with her he won’t want me. Then there’s the question of if I even want him anymore.”
Dallas says, “Say, I think you should watch the video again, then go hang with Peyton.”
Riley: I think you should watch the video again, bro. Then go hang with Peyton.
Dawes: Can’t watch the video again. Threw my computer screen across the room. Broken.
Riley: Borrow Bryce’s. Baby’s already got over 80 hits, and it’s only been online for about 10 minutes. Every guy at school is sitting around simultaneously thinking what a dumb fuck you are and thanking you for being one. I’m out. (I love what Riley says here.)
Kissing me. Wearing boots.
9:45 pm PST
We get to the shoot location. Tommy greets me with a big hug the second I step my foot out of the car. Riley and Dallas are wide eyed. “This is Tommy? Your step dad? Like Tommy freaking Stevens?” (This seems crazy to have this part in here, when the stalker became such a big part of the series, but this is kind of a fun scene, regardless.)
Tommy says, “In the flesh, dude. Nice to meet you,” and gives them each a warm handshake.
Dallas turns to me and says, “Um, that would make your mom Abby Johnston?”
“Yeah.” I smile sheepishly.
“No wonder you look like her,” he laughs.
Tommy puts one arm around each boy’s neck and says, “Come on. I’ll introduce you to everyone. Your mom’s in makeup, baby, go say hi.”
So I do, end up crying, telling her all about Dawson and why he’s not with me.
“It’s his loss, Kiki. And maybe he will change his mind.”
“Well he might, but I won’t,” I state emphatically. “No way I will take him back. After how he treated me?”
Mom says, “People make mistakes sometimes, and an old girlfriend, that you have wanted but couldn’t have and now she wants you. Think about how you would feel if Brooklyn came to school, was telling you how sorry he was, how he wanted you back. How it’d work this time.”
I think about that. Hmm. She might be right. I might break up with Dawson and do the same thing.
“You might be right. I just wanna have fun this weekend. I’m so glad I”m here.”
“Me too, Kiki, me too.”
Then my phone buzzes. I look at the text and can’t help but grin.
Mom says, “Who’s texting you that brings on that kind of grin? That’s who you should be dating.”
“Oh, it’s the God of all Hotties.”
“What’d he say?”
“Said he saw my video…”
“Oh my gosh, Keatyn, what video??!!” Mom says in a panic. “TELL ME you and Gorgeous DID NOT make a video!”
“Mom, calm down. You’ll get a wrinkle. The boys and I made a silly pretend rap video on the plane. It’s causing quite the stir back at school apparently. Mostly we did it to piss Dawson off.” (Calm down, Mom, you’ll get a wrinkle! LMFAO!)
“I think I need to see this video.”
“Uh, oh, shit. Um, you might not really like it, now that I think about it. It’s maybe slightly inappropriate.”
“I want to see it now.”
So I show her.
“Well you are right, it is slightly inappropriate, but wow, talk about a little revenge. And you look amazing. Beautiful, sexy, very grown up. A little sleazy, but that was the point, right? You’re playing a role?”
“Yeah, sexy rap video girl.”
“You did good, baby. Has he seen it yet?”
“Ha! Yeah. He’s pissed! Threw his computer across the room and broke it pissed! Pissed at his brother, pissed at himself. Still not completely sure what to do. Says he wants me, but I think if he doesn’t hang out with her he won’t know for sure, so I don’t know. I don’t want to think about it this weekend.”
“So what did the hottie say?”
“Oh yeah, I need to reply. Okay, so he said, Saw your video. Love it. Glad you’re single. Not glad you’re kissing someone else. Think you need to do another one. Kissing me. Wearing boots.”
“I told you, that’s what he calls me. Cuz I kicked the soccer ball at him and scored wearing my cowboy boots and a dress.”
“Oh yeah. What are you going to say back?”
“I don’t know. What do I say to that?” I grab mom’s arm. “And omg, MOM, the other day, when I was tutoring him, he told me someday we are going to France, and he’s going to ask me to marry him at the top of the Eiffel Tower at sunset.”
“Damn, he sounds like a keeper.”
“No. He’s the player. No actually, he’s the stealth player. Like the stealth fighter. He’s a real player, but he pretends not to be.”
Mom’s makeup girl says, “Done!”
And Mom says, “Let’s go meet these boys.” (I really do love Keatyn and her mom’s relationship. And it’s sad how they missed out on months of it because of Vincent. But this scene just makes me smile.)
She’s amazing, natural, graceful when she meets them. They are both shell shocked. Probably because like most boys in American, they have probably beaten off to her picture on occasion. I wish I was more like her. Wish boys would meet me and be shell shocked. Not think about going back to their gorgeous, perfect ex girlfriends.
I finally text Aiden back. And the thought just crossed my mind that I have not seen or heard about Aiden hooking up with, or even making out with any other girls. But that can’t be right, cuz he’s a player, right? But he’s a stealth player, we decided that, so he must hook up girls like below the radar or something. Or he has a radar jamming device. Or something. I guess I really don’t know how a stealth works exactly.
Me: How many other girls have you kissed since school started?
Aiden: Just you <3 Do you really wanna go to France with me?
Me: I didn’t mean to say that.
Aiden: But you did 🙂
Me: My family has a house in France, pass class, with at least a B and we’ll go.
Aiden: Gonna start studying right now 🙂 When are you gonna be back?
Me: Sunday, like 6ish.
Aiden: Tutoring, my room, 7pm
Me: Tutoring, LIBRARY, 7pm
Aiden: We can’t make a video in the library.
Me: Says who?
Sunday, September 25th
She forbid us to say your name.
don’t care what time it is
We have a great weekend with my family. The girls are in love with Wiley and Dalley. They even got Riley to sit still for them while they did his hair. He had about, oh, 7,000, give or take a few, mini multicolored snap barrettes in his hair, each one as close to the scalp as possible, with little tufts of hair sticking straight up. I took a few photos to keep and use as blackmail, should I ever need it. (I can so picture Riley doing this for K’s little sisters. So sweet!)
We’re flying back home when Dallas says, “So when I got there and met Tommy and your mom, I really thought you were nuts for not telling everyone who your parents were. I was thinking like that would be so cool and the first thing I would want to tell people. But after the whole trying to just go out to dinner last night and the photographers, I can see why you just like being Kiki. That would get old.”
“Yeah, I don’t have to deal with that too often. Sometimes shopping in LA, or a movie premier or something. I was photographed a lot when it was just Mom and me, when I was younger, with my dad and stuff, she had done movies, but hadn’t really hit it big until I was about eight, a couple years before my dad died. Then she met Tommy on set and things got kinda outta control. Their whirlwind romance, her getting pregnant, them not being married, his bad boy image, like all of it together is crazy. But after my dad died, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents in East Texas and the rest of the time I stayed in Malibu. It’s pretty quiet and protected where we live, so I can chill on the beach and not worry too much. But yeah, I wanted to go somewhere where I was just me, and people were my friends because of me, not who my parents are, you know?” (Okay, I can kind of hate on her here. Because, grow up. Please.)
“No, I don’t know, but I can understand that.”
“I mean, I know it will come out eventually. Mom wants me to walk the red carpet with her and Tommy when her new movie premieres in the states. It’s like sometime in December. So that will be probably when people start to take notice, and I probably shouldn’t be making naughty rap videos after that.”
“That was so fun,” Dallas says wistfully.
“And really, we did a good job,” Riley says.
“No. You did a good job editing it. Really, Riles, you’re very talented.”
“Thanks, baby. So whatcha gonna do about my brother?”
“I have no idea. Nothing I guess. See what’s happened this weekend. I have a tutoring thing with Aiden when we get back, but then I suppose I should find out, huh?”
“Do you want me to ask Dawes? I mean I think I would want to know before I got there.”
“Back to the real world, huh? And naw, I think I know someone I can ask.”
“Well text him.”
Me: So…heading back to school, need the scoop on what went down with Peyton and Dawson. Do you know?
Jake: He hung out with her Friday night, don’t know if they did anything. Seems like not, no one saw them kiss, but who knows. They also were sitting together on Saturday at lunch, but Bryce thought they seemed awkward.
Me: So are they back together?
Jake: Don’t think so. You would think if they were it would be all lovey dovey right? And it doesn’t seem that way. He told Ace he screwed up letting you leave without him, and he was stupid for thinking he wanted her back. I think he kinda got an ego trip out of it. If I had an ex like her that wanted me back, I’d go back to her, screw her and then say, nawwww, I don’t think it’s gonna work.
Me: Bitter much? Take it you aren’t on team Peyton anymore?
Jake: No way, and hey there are posters like all over school all pink and black and scrolly. Like I mean they are EVERYWHERE and they even hung them down the halls in my dorm. Well, so maybe I helped 🙂
Me: Awww:) French weekend is going to be sooo fun. So did you hang with Vanessa?
Jake: Yep. Made out with her RIGHT in front of Peyton.
Me: naughty 🙂
Jake: But I don’t think I am going to ask her to HC.
Me: Why not?
Jake: Well me and Mags kinda bonded over posters.
Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jake: Yeah, maybe. She’s cute. We kissed. Tell me she’s not all prude.
Me: She’s not all prude.
Riley says, “I’m gonna text Dawes. See what he’s thinking.”
Riley: Headed back home, how did things turn out this weekend? You and P back together?
Dawson: This weekend sucked. And no we’re not.
Riley: My weekend was AWESOME!!! Kiki’s family is so cool, we flew on a brand new G6, drank Dom, partied, met a bunch of famous people on a movie set, had a dinner at this amazing place. Best food I have ever had in my life. Met her adorable little sisters, let them fix my hair, got invited a movie premiere in December, to France over maybe over Christmas, got closer to Kiki and Dallas, pretty much the best weekend of my life. <3 (Part of me wishes this could have happened <3)
Dawson: Has Keatie read my Facebook statuses?
Dawson: Things weren’t the same with Peyton. Keatie changed me. And I didn’t even realize it. Peyton seems all black and white, compared to Keatie’s vivid color. I was so stupid. Has she said ANYTHING about me?
Riley: No, she forbid us to say your name.
Dawson: 🙁 What should I do?
Riley: Try to talk to her I guess. You hurt her. You need to figure out a way to make it up to her.
“So sounds like things aren’t going to work out with Peyton and him. So what are you gonna do? You gonna take him back?”
“I don’t think so. At least not for a while.”
“Wanna make him suffer, huh?”
“No. That’s not it at all. I want to make sure I feel okay about us. And after what he did, I just don’t have much faith in him, in us, anymore. Riley, I also have a question.”
“You told me Aiden’s a player. Why did you say that?”
“I don’t know, just knew he’s dated a lot of different girls.”
“Is it because of how he looks that girls like crush on him?”
“Cuz he told me I’m the only girl he’s kissed so far this school year. That doesn’t sound like a player to me. I mean, geeze Riley, how many have you kissed?”
“Like a dozen or so?”
“My point exactly.”
“Are you thinking about Aiden?” (Yes!)
“No, I just have to keep tutoring him, but he bugs me, I can’t picture us together.”
Dallas says, “Actually I could totally see you together.”
“I don’t know. You just seem to sparkle around him. And he seems to affect you in a way no one else does. You’re like obsessed with him, but yet you say you hate him. He flusters you in a way no one else does.” (Riley, I love you. You are so on target here!)
“I do hate him, most of the time. We might end up friends, but it’s too soon to say.”
“So what are you gonna do about Homecoming?”
“Well, I have a hot dress and amazing shoes. What more do I need?”
“Me on your arm?”
“Or me,” Riley chimes in.
“Riley, you already have date.”
“Yeah, but I could ditch her, or better yet, go all rap star and walk in with a girl on EACH arm. Now that’s what I’m talking about.”
I guess I can relate.
I find Aiden in the library, sitting at our table, grinning at me.
“So…saw the video. Dawson had to be going crazy.”
“I doubt it. He’s into your sister now.”
“You looked very sexy, very naughty. Everyone has been talking about it all weekend. You know you have like over 500 views? Dawson looked miserable. Even when I saw him with my sister at the party, he looked miserable. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think he did just get wrapped up in the idea of my sister finally wanting him back. I thought they would have been like crazy happy, but he just looked like he regretted it. You can sorta understand though?”
“What? Now you’re pro Dawson?”
“No. I just, I think it would suck to lose you. I guess I can relate.”
“You’ve lost someone you cared about because you’re stupid?”
“Yeah, you, I think. That night, with the Keats toast.”
“I was fine with the Keats toast. It just caught me off guard, but then when I told you why it did, you completely changed. Got mad at me or something. Didn’t talk to me. Made me feel like I’d done something wrong.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I was mad at myself. Kinda like Dawson feels, I think.”
“Yeah, I don’t think Dawson liked the video too much.”
“No. I heard he smashed his computer. Remind me never to break up with you.”
“We’re never going out.”
“I’m never going out with a boy again.”
Hell, I predicted it.
Sitting on the brick wall outside my dorm, dealing with Dawson.
“Keatie,” he pleads. “Please tell me we’re not over. Give me another chance. Can I kiss you?”
“Uh, I don’t think so, not right now.”
He looks at me with puppy dog eyes, but then he glares at me slightly, gets that determined set to his jaw, pulls me into a hug, says, “I’m sorry.”
And I try to stay stiff against the hug. I’m mad at him, but I also sorta understand. Doesn’t mean I don’t hurt, or that I can forget, but I sorta understand. Hell, I called it. I knew it was going to happen. Screw the psychic panty hotline. I should maybe become a relationship physic. I foresaw the future. And yay for me, for ignoring what I saw and falling for him anyways. I can’t decide which one of us was stupider. And I sorta soften in his arms and hug him back. He looks miserable.
“Look, I forgive you. I understand what you did. Hell, I predicted it. I knew it would happen. Knew we’d get happy, and you’d become more attractive to her because of it. I planned your makeover. I was just as much at fault as you. I should’ve never believed you. But you made me feel amazing and loved and sexy, and I just didn’t listen to my head. I actually started to believe love could be a good thing.”
“Keatie, really, I was stupid too. I don’t know why I thought it would be like you with her. You are so different, so much fun, and I feel like equal with you.”
And he’s looking in my eyes, and he has like not tears really, but sorta they look moist. Like maybe he’s on the verge and little tears start falling from the corners of my eyes. I try not to blink, so they won’t come out, but I do and they fall. And Dawson sees them. He puts one hand up to my face, wiping away the tears from one side and the other side he kisses them. And then he’s kissing my cheek.
He smiles at me. “Please go out with me again. Go to homecoming with me.”
“Oh yeah,” I say, and pull his class ring out of my pocket. “Here, I forgot to give you this back when I stormed out of your room. And I’ll get you the necklace back.”
“No. I want you to keep them. I bought you the necklace because I love you. You do have the key to my heart. I just thought for a second someone else did. And she used to, but I think you changed the lock because she just didn’t fit anymore.”
And then I think he thought that was all terribly romantic, and I should be falling into a puddle at his feet. But I’m not.
“I’ll keep the necklace, but you have to take your ring back. And we’re not going out.”
He looks defeated again. I hate him looking like that. It’s the same look he had that night at the cave, when I set out to make that gorgeous face smile again. And I have to say, I have made him happy. I know I have.
“Please tell me we’re not through.”
“I can’t say one way or another right now. I’m not trying to punish you or anything or make you feel bad. I can see you feel bad. But you know how parent’s are always preaching that there are consequences to the decisions you make? Your consequence to this is that what you did hurt me, and I just can’t forget it. You made me look like a fool, like a dumb freshman. Thinking I could get and keep a gorgeous, hot guy like you. I want us to be friends, to stay friends. I like you, probably love you, but if you want me back, I think we’re going to have to start over. I can’t start where we left off.”
“I don’t get it. You told me you thought Peyton was stupid for not forgiving me, now you’re doing the same thing.”
“What do ya mean?”
“I wish you would have been drunk when you did this. Then I could’ve saved face. Coulda said, aw, well you know, he was drunk, it happens. But no. You chose her, stone cold sober, as you were supposed to be getting ready to go on a trip with me. Ego or not, it says a lot about whether or not you really loved me. You’re going to have to prove to me you do, if this is going to go anywhere. And more importantly, you need to prove it to yourself.”
“What about homecoming?”
“We’re not going.”
“But I helped you pick out your dress.”
“Yeah, and you did a lot of other stuff with me too, but it wasn’t enough to make you tell her no.” I back away from him and sit on the wall. (This makes me so sad. Although I want her with Aiden, I like Dawson, too. But . . . He should have deleted the baby, please text immediately and blocked her number.)
“I’m sorry.” he says again.
“You keep saying that. You’re like a freaking broken record. You should tell yourself you’re sorry. I thought things were good. You wanted to meet my family, we were having fun, you seemed happy, the sex was amazing, and then poof. A few texts from her, and I was history. I can’t just forget that because you think you’re sorry. Remember, you also thought you were in love with me.” (I like that she finally tells him off here.)
He hangs his head. “Shit. Everything you’re saying is true.” He runs his hand through his hair, leaving it sticking up on the sides. “Come here.” Then he pulls me close to him, holds my face like he does after sex, when he’s the sweetest. Then he kisses me. And I can’t tell if these sweet kisses are makeup kisses or goodbye kisses.
“I gotta go.” I tell him, go to my room, collapse into a heap on my bed. Then decide I don’t want to face my friends yet, sneak out the back door of the dorm and over to Riley’s room.
Riley’s dorm room
Laying on Riley’s bed on my side. He’s sitting on his wheeled desk chair rolling around, not able to sit still.
“So you talked to my brother, and you’re not back together, right?”
“Right. And I’ve been thinking.”
“Shut up. NOW is NOT the time to make fun of me!”
“Sorry,” he throws a pencil toward me and winks at me.
“This is serious. Talk to me about hooking up.”
“Well, see there’s your problem. Hooking up is not supposed to be serious. It’s about fun.”
“Well, I’m trying to decide which way I’m gonna go, I’m leaning toward bad girl, slutty, carefree, emotionless. You know, a girl version of you.”
“I’m not emotionless.”
“Oh I know that, but you can have meaningless sex. That’s what I want. Who should be my first target? I’m thinking Jake.”
“Jake? Why not me?”
“I had sex with your brother. Your my bff, I have feelings for you. Plus Jake’s hot. When I was in detention, we made a list of the top five hotties at school. I think I’m gonna go through that list. I mean, I already did it with your brother. One down, four to go. Then I may have to lower my standards.”
“Who else was on the list?”
“Well Dawson, Jake, Aiden, Logan, and well, you.”
“Really!!?? I was on the list? Who put me on the list?”
“Uh, I don’t remember. So anyways, Logan is cute, but I don’t know much about him. Me and Jake are kinda friends and Peyton supposedly likes him and is trying to get back together with him. So it would have the added bonus of revenge sex.”
“You deserve more than that.”
“Oh I know, I just don’t want it. I’m done with boys toying with my emotions. I am an independent woman.”
“I don’t think you should.”
“Guys don’t like sluts.”
“You like sluts.”
“Yeah short term, but not long term.”
“Exactly! I want short term. The shorter the better. Uh, and when I say short, I’m referring the length of the relationship, not the length of his, you know.” I smile at him and raise up my eyebrows. (LOL, K.)
“What am I gonna do with you?”
“Just what you’ve been doing. Picking up the pieces of what’s left of me.”
“Dawson wants you back. Aiden is drooling at your heels, wants a relationship with you.”
“Well this is about what I want. And tonight I wanna get fucked up. In more ways than one. You in?”
“I’m always in.”
“Good, tonight’s gonna be fun.”
Monday, September 26th
Maybe it was a lot of puke.
Last night was fun.
What I remember of it.
I was the life of the party, I think. I mean, I felt like it.
I remember asking Bryce to go get the good stuff out of his room, doing shots, dancing with Jake and Bryce in front of both Peyton and Dawson. Kissing them both. Dawson getting mad at me and leaving.
Then I was dancing with just Jake, then we were making out. Then he pulled me into a chair with him. We were making out, I was telling him I wanted to go to his room, he agreed, but we never left. At some point, I think I must have given him a lap dance of some kind. I remember Dallas trying to put a dollar in my shorts.
I was feeling groovy, as Brooklyn’s dad would say.
Well, I was, until I wasn’t.
All of a sudden, the alcohol I’d consumed hit me. Like I’d run into a brick wall on my bike, flipping me off into the hard concrete.
I remember telling Jake I didn’t feel so good when we were on the chair kissing, but he ignored that and just pulled me in tight, and then I’m sure I pretty sure I threw up all over Aiden’s room.
Then it gets blurry.
Riley holding me.
Riley taking me to his room, Riley holding my hair while I puked, Riley waking me up this morning at four, sneaking me behind the dorms and then through my window, and then this morning, now, coming to my room with revive smart water, pumpkin bread, and Advil, walking me to history class.
“So I’m thinking breakups and shots are not a good mix for you.”
“No shit,” I say. “Do I need to die now of embarrassment now or not?”
“Not. But you have ceramics with Jake, oughtta be interesting.” Then he says quietly, but with a big grin, “I think maybe you got a little puke on him last night.”
“Okay, well, maybe it was a lot of puke.”
“Kill me now, Riley. What would be a fun way to die?” (This is a fun scene, and I love that Riley took care of her. Held her hair while she puked, changed her clothes, got her home, and listened to her cry. He’s a good friend!)
He tosses his arm around me, pulls me into his shoulder. “Oh no. I’m not killing you, you’re too much fun.”
“You held my hair while I puked.”
“Yeah baby, that’s okay.”
“Thank you. In case I didn’t thank you like last night. Like during the puking.”
“Um, you thanked me. You bawled, thanking me.”
“Yeah. Had a bawling, drunken meltdown. Kept thanking me for not being a stupid boy, cried about the surfer, about having a monkey nickname, I still don’t get that one, cried about Dawson, about hookups. That’s what you should be embarrassed about. Also, I had to change your shirt. Did you notice you were wearing my shirt this morning?” (And I love that she was crying about having a monkey nickname.)
“I swear. I didn’t look. Well, not too much,” he laughs.
“I love you, seriously. You’re my hero.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I owe you.”
“Naw. That was just me trying to pay you back for my brother being an asshole. We’re even, okay?
“Don’t ever let me do that again.”
He just laughs at me.
Just hookup, have fun, no strings.
Wishing I could skip Ceramics
Walk into ceramics. Embarrassed as shit. Put my bag down at the table I share with Bryce and Jake. Neither of them is here yet. Maybe I will get lucky, and they are both sick today.
Bryce strolls in, Jake right behind him.
What am I supposed to say? Do I apologize for probably puking on him? Or should I pretend I was soooo drunk I don’t remember. Like I’m thinking I may go the I’m so blonde, and I was soooooo drunk route. Do some giggling, flirting. But truth is, I’m not in the best mood ever, so I will probably go the poor pathetic, feel sorry for me, my boyfriend dumped me, and I got drunk, and I feel so bad route. Since I won’t even have to act that one out. It’s just the truth.
Bryce walks up, pats me on the back and says, “How we feeling there, slugger?”
I keep my head down and groan slightly. That way I don’t have to look anyone in the eyes.
Jake bumps my side with his hip. I turn to look at him. He is smiling at me, and he is really cute. He nods his head at me, “Uh, so…..last night was, um, interesting.”
“I’m told I may have puked on you. If that’s the case, I’m very sorry and extremely embarrassed.”
“That’s kinda my fault. You told me you didn’t feel good. I didn’t want to stop kissing you though. I was pretty drunk myself.”
“Then hopefully you don’t remember some of the things I may have said.”
His face lights up in a smile, and he blushes a little. “Oh, that I do remember. What’s up with that?”
“I decided last night I’m going to become a slut. Just hookup, have fun, no strings. Strings do nothing but get you hurt.” I sigh, big.
Jake leans his arm on the table next to me, puts his fist under his chin. “You don’t really seem like that type of girl.”
“Well I haven’t been, but I’m thinking it makes sense.”
“You’re a good kisser.”
“From what I remember, you are too. I heard Peyton wants you back.”
“Yeah, and she was pisssseddddd I was kissing you. But what she did to both of us, pretty much sucked. So I don’t really care.”
“Do you want her back?”
“I don’t know. Maggie and I had fun the other day. And making out with you was a whole lot of fun. I’m thinking I just want to be single. Unless she decides she like really wants me. And like wants to make it up to me kind of thing.”
Bryce asks, “So you gonna get back together with Dawes?”
“I don’t know. It hurt that he did that. Like he told me he would never, and then he did.”
“Sucks, I’m glad you showed me the texts.”
Bryce interrupts and says, “Plus, we got the video, so, ya know, some good came out of it.”
“My mom made me show her the video.”
“Oh. Wow. Did she get mad?”
“She said as long as I was like acting as a slut, not actually being a slut, it was okay. Shit. Last night I wanted to be one.” I put my hands in my face. “I hate boys.”
“Better not hate us.”
“Better never date me then.”
I’ll think of something
I sit down at a table all by myself. I don’t want to have company today. I want to wallow in aloneness.
This is the kind of day when you wish you could stay home from school and pretend to be sick. I suppose I could’ve pretended to be sick. Maybe I still can.
Dawson sits down next to me. “We need to talk, seriously.”
“Yeah, I’m really not in the mood for that right now.”
“When? After school? Please, Keatie?”
“Dawson, you don’t even get it do you? Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to go home without you? My parents were expecting to meet you, and instead I have to tell them that the guy I’m going out with, that I’m having sex with, who told me he loved me and couldn’t wait to meet my family, isn’t coming because the girl he dated five months ago sent him some texts saying she wanted him back? Especially when I told them I was worried you would do that, and that you swore to me it would never happen? I have never felt so embarrassed of my decisions in my life.”
“Jeeze, I know, okay. How would you feel if your surfer dude did that to you? Told you he wanted you back.”
“Um, he did. Remember? You were with me. I told him I was happy with my boyfriend. That I was happy with you.”
“Oh, yeah. Look, I’m soo soo sorry. I got caught up in it. It was like I wanted it for so long, and then when she finally wanted me, I just, I thought I needed to see. But what I realized is you are what makes me the me I am now. I’m so much happier with you than I ever was with her.”
“Yeah, but not happy enough to stand up for me when she was slamming me. Not happy enough to tell her no. Not happy enough to go with me. What you did sucked. It hurt me. And I’m not over it. Sorry. You chose the path, I’m just trying to deal with it. Really, I just want to sit alone. Never mind, you stay. I’m leaving.” I start to get up.
“You made out with Jake last night. And kissed Bryce.”
“Yep. I also kissed Dallas. Single girls can do that. And I know you kissed Peyton this weekend.”
“Yeah, well a couple times. Didn’t feel the same.”
“I can’t do this right now, Dawson, seriously, I can’t. I feel like shit. And I don’t want to start crying in the middle of the cafe. Please, I’m embarrassed enough by all of this as it is.”
“You were drunk last night.”
“Tonight. After practice. We’re going to talk. Please.”
“I don’t know what else there is to say.”
“I’ll think of something.”
“My sister feels bad about you and Dawson. I think she thought you would take him back.”
“She should feel bad. She broke us up.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“Are you happy Dawson and I broke up?”
He grins, “Well yeah, but I have my own reasons for that.”
“Well that sucks cuz it hurt me. And if you were at all interested in me as a person, you wouldn’t want to see me hurt.”
“I heard you were pretty drunk last night. That why you’re so crabby today?”
“Seal off, Aiden.”
Annie passes me a note. It says, We all need a girl’s night tonight.
I write back. Please bring chocolate!
I’m above this shit.
Stretched, did our routines, learned part of a new one we are planning to use in a competition coming up in December, listened to Peyton talk about sisterhood and treating our fellow dancers with respect.
I about barfed and nearly said, Are you fucking serious?
But instead I tried to take the high road and treat her with the respect she didn’t have for me.
I’m above this shit.
Sorta. That or I am still too hungover to care.
I’m justing shutting my locker, ready to leave, when she says, “Can I talk to you?”
“Um, I know you’re my big sister and captain and all, but I’d prefer not to speak to you right now.”
“Look, he just looked happy with you, okay? I was jealous of it. The way he looked at you, the way he kissed you, I thought it could be that way with us. Truth is, it was never that way with us. We kissed this weekend. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t at all right. Then he got all upset and cried. He cried because he was so worried he totally screwed it up with you. He loves you. Do you know how bad I feel?”
“I’m pretty sure I feel worse, but thanks. Glad to know your breaking us up was for nothing. It makes me feel so much better.”
“You made out with Jake last night.”
“And there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re both single. Because of you.”
Like I touched it. (Just this title makes me giggle.)
In my dorm room, with the girls, happily munching on the pizza they ordered. They were sweet and ordered me a veggie pizza on whole wheat crust with ricotta cheese. My favorite healthy pizza. Plus, it meant I didn’t have to deal with the stress of the cafe at dinner.
Dawson texted me, reminded me that we are supposed to talk. I told him I was having a girl’s night. We could talk later maybe.
So, I need updates on everyone’s weekend,” I tell them.
Maggie giggles, “So what do you guys think of Jake? Do you think I could have a chance with him?”
Annie says, “He is super cute. You know him best, what do you think of him, Keatyn?”
“Well up front, I am going to tell you that I made out with him last night. We were both drunk and sorta getting back at Dawson and Peyton. We talked about it today, it means nothing and plus, I puked on him.”
Katie cries, “You went to a party without me?”
“Yeah, sorry, I went with Riley. I decided to become a slut.”
Annie, who is still a virgin says with big eyes, “Really??”
“Well it sounded like a good idea to me last night, but truth is, I can’t do that. I have to like a guy. I want to only do that with guys I like. And hopefully, love.”
“Ace and I went a little further,” Annie almost whispers.
“A little further?”
“Well, yeah, just a little. Like I touched it.” (Hahaha)
We all scream and laugh.
“And?” I say.
“It seems very big. Like I didn’t realize they get so big. I can not imagine that thing inside me.”
Maggie laughs, “Oh, it will fit just fine. Are you thinking about doing it with him?”
“Well, I mean, I have thought about it. I’m not ready yet, but I’ve thought about it.”
I tell her, “Trust me on this. Wait. Wait until you think you can’t wait any longer, and then wait some more.”
Katie says, “I’m surprised to hear you say that. I thought you would be encouraging her to. I thought whatever it was you did with Dawson was great.”
“It was great with Dawson. Sex stuff feels good. It can be great, but I think it makes you think you are sort of in love with the person. It can confuse things. I think maybe Dawson thought he loved me because that was good and exciting. But then when it came down to it, he didn’t really love me. Same with Brooklyn. He said he loved me, we did it, then he didn’t even respect me enough not to basically screw someone else in front of me. I think if I ever do it again, it’s going to be with a boy that I know loves me.”
Annie says, “But that’s the problem isn’t it? The knowing.”
“Yes, that’s the problem.”
“So I should wait?”
“You should definitely wait. And Maggie, back to Jake. He told me that he thinks you are really cute, called you Mags, and said he wants to hang out with you.”
“REALLY!!! Ohmigawd!!!!! When did he say that?”
“Like yesterday, or maybe today. I forget. He says he’s not looking for a relationship though, so you’d need to be careful. And he doesn’t have a homecoming date anymore.”
“I would die if he asked me to homecoming.”
Annie tells us, “Ace asked me to homecoming. I’ve been dying to tell you all.”
Maggie hugs her, “That’s awesome. Maybe if Jake asks me, we can like all go together. That would be so fun!”
“Carson hasn’t asked me yet. And we made out all weekend. I’m bummed.”
“I know he doesn’t have a date yet. But neither do most of the freshman boys. They’ve all been talking about going stag and dancing like with everyone.”
“I want a date. Keatyn, set me up with someone. I want pictures with a cute boy!”
“I”ll see what I can do.”
My phone buzzes at seven.
Hottie God: In library, you’re not here.
Me: You’re gonna have to go it alone tonight. I’m not up for it.
Hottie God: Just come talk to me then.
Me: I have no makeup on, my hair is in a messed up bun, and I’m wearing Riley’s huge T-shirt and spandex shorts. I’m not going anywhere.
Hottie God: Then I’m coming to you.
Hottie God: You missed the monthly birthday celebration at dinner tonight. I have cake for you. Double layer chocolate.
Me: Fine. But I’m warning you. I look scary.
Hottie God: I can handle it. Meet me outside your dorm in two.
“Aiden is bringing me cake. I have to go outside.”
“You can’t see the hottie god with no makeup. Quick, put some on.”
“Naw, I don’t care.”
Annie says, “You must be really upset about Dawson, if you don’t care.”
“I am really upset about Dawson, wouldn’t y’all be?”
“We were afraid to bring it up. How was your weekend with Dallas and Riley? Like we saw the video. You looked amazing, by the way. Super sexy. We were all kinda shocked,” Maggie tells me.
“Yeah, and what has Dawson said?” Katie asks.
Annie, our resident facebook addict says, “Wow, have you been reading all his facebook status while you were gone? If I were Peyton, I’d feel like complete shit. Everyone knew she wanted to get back together with him, and then he posted all those statuses.”
“I didn’t read them. I don’t think I want to.”
“Go eat cake, when you get back, we’ll read then together,” Annie says sweetly.
It’s a peace offering.
“So cake, huh?”
“Come here,” he leads me down to a bench, just off to the side of the entrance. Spreads out a napkin and sets the paper plate down on his lap, hand me a fork. “Dig in.”
I take a big bite. I look like shit, I’m not gonna impress him with my manners either.
“Oh. Wow. Oh, yummmmm. This is goooood cake.”
I take another forkful, hold it up to his mouth. He opens his mouth, and I put the cake in. “It is really good, but I already had a piece. This is for you.”
“Why did you get me cake?”
He looks puzzled. “I saw you weren’t at dinner, thought it was nice. Is it not nice?”
I take another bite, almost groan in ecstasy and then say, “It’s very nice. But a lot of girls missed dinner. Did you get them all cake?”
He frowns at me. “No, I didn’t get them all cake. I’m sorry I made you mad in french today.”
“It’s okay. I’ve sorta had a rough couple of days. And I just didn’t want to hear about your sister. She talked to me in dance. I was kinda mean to her, but she kinda deserves it.”
“I’d agree with that. She likes you though, in spite of everything. I hope you two get to be friends.”
“She’s my sister. We’re close. I want you to like her. I want you to like me.”
“Aiden. I’m done with boys. Seriously. Let’s be friends, if you want.”
“That’s why I brought cake, Boots. It’s a peace offering. Get it? Piece of cake, Peace offering?”
“I get it, and I like both kinds of peace.”
“Good. Remember that in a few minutes.”
“Why……?” I start to say, but I can’t finish because his lips are on mine. He gives me another one of his slow, electrifying kisses. Our lips touch, they barely move, they don’t have to. Just touching Aiden is somehow enough.
The kiss ends somehow. He must have ended it. I know there’s no way I pulled away from that. I’m still sitting frozen in the spot.
“How could I be mad at that?”
He gets up, hands me the remaining cake, “For once, I’m gonna end on a good note. Night, Boots.”
“Night, Aiden,” I say wistfully. (I’m swooning. Although I tend to swoon in pretty much every scene Aiden is in.)
Back in my dorm room. I eat a few more bites of cake, and then let the girls dig in. “Oh my gosh. We are NEVER missing cake night again!”
“So, that was sweet of Aiden. To bring you cake,” Katie gushes. “I wish a boy would bring me cake.”
“Yeah it was. He kissed me too. And we didn’t fight about anything.”
“Like made out or kissed?” Maggie asks, her mouth still full of chocolate.
“Just one of his super slow, lips barely touch, amazing kisses.”
“But your done with boys still?”
“Definitely, but I mean, he brought us cake. He deserved a kiss don’t you think?”
“I’d do more than kiss for cake this good,” Maggie laughs.
She grins. “I wish.”
Annie is holding up her laptop with Dawson’s profile page. His profile pic is one of him and me pre-kiss on the bench.
“Do you want to read them, or shall I read them to you?”
“Read them out loud, so we can figure out what they mean.”
“Okay, we’ll start on Friday night. After you left he said, So confused. Then later that night, I really screwed up </3, then I think this must have been after he saw the video, Just threw my computer across the room, shattered it, just like I just shattered my life. Then at like 2am he wrote on your wall, said, Keatie, I’m sorry. I love you. You didn’t comment, but some people did. Your Brooklyn said, Guess I’m not the only one. Jake said, F you. Dallas said, You’re an idiot, dude. I said, Heart you, Keatyn.
“Aw, that was sweet, Annie, and I can’t believe Brooklyn said that.”
“Let’s see. Then on Saturday morning he said, Everyone says I finally got what I wanted and to see what happens. So gonna do that. Then later that day, after I know they had lunch together and hung out he says, It’s just not the same. I miss my Keatie.
Maggie says, “If I was Peyton, that would have made me feel like crap.”
Okay, so then he posted on your wall again. I miss you, and then a broken heart. Then we all know that he and Peyton were at the party together and they kissed. Apparently when he got home from that he wrote, The past is history. Then on Sunday. Counting down the hours til I can apologize in person. Then Sunday night he wrote, Love her kisses. Then later like 1am he wrote, Love sucks.
“Wow. I need advice. What do y’all think that means?”
“It means he realized quickly that he screwed up. He was upset, but he still tried with Peyton, and it didn’t work.”
“Plus, he knew she would read his status, and he didn’t care. They were all about you. I think you should take him back. He’s gorgeous. He just made a mistake.”
My phone vibrates. It’s Dawson. I laugh, “His ears must be burning.”
Dawson: I thought of something.
Dawson: You told me we’d have nothing to talk about. I thought of something we could talk about.
Me: I just read all your Facebook posts from this weekend.
Dawson: We could talk about that. I’m out for a walk, wanna join me?
Me: Yeah. But I look like crap. Be prepared.
I walk out, and Dawson says, “Casual, yes. Crap, no.”
I smile. He snakes his arm around my waist. “You always come out here with practically nothing on, then I have to give you my sweatshirt.”
“Oh, sorry, I, um, I’ll run back in and grab one.”
“No, you’re not. I love seeing you wear my clothes.” He pulls his sweatshirt off over his head, pulls it down over mine. “This feels familiar,” he says, then pulls the hoodie strings toward him and me in close to his lips.
“Did you really know right away you screwed up? Like before you even hung out with her?”
“I told you, the second you were gone, I knew I made a mistake. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You’re the last person I’d want to hurt.”
“And after you hung out with her, when you said the past is history. What did you mean by that?”
“I meant that she’s part of my past, not my future. You are my future. Well, I hope you are. Keatie, I love you.”
“Oh. Please don’t say that.”
“Fine, but I’m kissing you.” And he does. And it feels nice. Hopeful. We even made out a bit. My body started responding the way it usually does when we make out. It wants him. But no. I can’t do that. Not now. I can’t confuse the situation any more than it is now. And I can tell his body is um, responding too. He starts to run his hands up my back, underneath my shirt. I pull him in closer to me and kiss him a little harder.
Then I say, “I have to go. I don’t need another detention.”
“Okay, bye, Keatie. I don’t know if this was another chance or us starting to start over, but thank you. Thank you for believing me.”
“I don’t think I believe you, but I enjoyed kissing you.”
“Well that sounds like a start.”
Tuesday, September 27th
I need some new adjectives.
Didn’t do my homework last night. After I came in from kissing Dawson, I filled the girls in on what went down, and then told them all that I was exhausted. I also told them that I owe them still for the posters and campaigning they all did. So I am going to take them all out for tacos tonight. The freshman game is away, so we will have time.
I did all my homework for each class in the class before it, and managed to get everything done, mostly. I was gonna have a late grade on a math worksheet that I forgot about, but I told her all about Dawson and me breaking up, and she gave me an extra day.
None of us girls are old enough to drive into town, and plus I think it’d be fun to take the boys, so we invite Riley, Dawson, Dallas, Parker, Ace, Jake, Bryce and Tyrese. Tyrese has starting dating this girl, and I swear she’s been keeping him under lock and key because I haven’t seen him for like two weeks.
I tutored Aiden right before dinner, and he acted so weird. Like we hadn’t even kissed. I swear that boy is so hot and cold. It’s going to drive me to drink.
Haha, or maybe not. I don’t plan on drinking again for a long time.
At least not tequila shots.
We had fun at dinner. I was relaxed around Dawson, and he really is sweet, and I think I’m starting to forgive him. Kinda.
After dinner, we went back to his room.
But we don’t talk much because we start kissing. He lays me back on his bed, and we kiss, and kiss, and kiss. He runs his hands up the sides of my shirt, pulls it off. Kisses my neck, my chest, my stomach. Then he stops, puts an arm above my shoulder and leans in close to my face. “We haven’t been talking. I’m sorry. I’m having a hard time starting over. My body remembers how good we are together and it wants you. But we’ll stop kissing, okay? What do you want to talk about?”
“I just have one thing to say.”
“Don’t stop kissing me.” I grab his shirt, pull him back toward my lips.
And we’re really kissing, majorly making out. He’s doing some other stuff to me that I very much enjoy. I start to feel that familiar yearn. I want him.
Why was it again that I don’t want to have sex with him?
Was it because I wanted to punish him a bit? But isn’t that sort of punishing me too?
I want to. And oh my gosh. He is, well his tongue is doing things to me that I also shouldn’t be letting him do, but I don’t stop him. I want to feel close to him again. I want to know if it’s changed things. He said things were different with him Peyton when they kissed. Things are not different when we kiss. I still feel the same desire, the same emotions. I’m ready to take things further, all the way further. He seems very ready. This is the point where we both just know we want to. Since that first time, we never question it. It just feels so good and so right, that we just do it. And I’m ready for that. Expecting that. I’m guiding him toward me, and he stops.
“Keatie. I want this more than you know. But I want you to be okay with it. I don’t want you to regret it. I never want you to ever regret what we do. I know maybe it sounds empty because of what happened, but I love you. I really really do.”
He strokes my hair, runs the back of his hand down the side of my face, sweeps it across my chin. I lean my head into his hand, and he cradles my face in his palm, looks into my eyes. I don’t break the stare. I tilt my hips up a little higher, grab his hips and guide him into me. He was a bit shocked by this I think. His eyes got big, but then he smiles at me and starts pushing in and out slowly, leans down and kisses me. The kisses match the intensity of the sex. Slow and gentle to start, then deeper and harder and faster, until he can’t keep kissing me because it’s gotten so intense. Finally he collapses on top of me, breathing heavily. I hug him tight. He sprinkles little kisses down the side of my cheek, across my shoulder.
“That was amazing.”
I laugh at him. “You always say that.”
“Sorry, I need some new adjectives. I’ll get back to you on that. I’m having a hard time thinking right now.” He grabs a strand of my hair, is absentmindedly twirling it around his finger.
“What are you thinking about?”
“How lucky I am. Does this mean we’re back together?”
“No. We’re starting over, remember?”
“If you recall when we started, this happened pretty quickly.”
He smiles big. “I do recall. And I swear it won’t end like before. So are we going out or not?”
“We’re not. Just like we weren’t then.”
“Right. We’re taking it slow again.”
I grin. “Something like that, yes.”
He glances at the clock, “We better get you home. I don’t want you to be late.”
I glance at the clock, see that he’s right, plus they do room checks in like fifteen minutes, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be caught in here like this. We quickly get dressed, walk arm in arm back to my dorm, have a long meaningful kiss and say good night.
I’m laying in my bed almost asleep when Katie yells, “What happened with you and Dawson tonight?”
“We just, you know, we’re starting over.”
“He just changed his relationship status,” she says, as my phone buzzes.
I pick it up and read that I’m supposed to approve It’s complicated with Keatyn Monroe. And I don’t know who came up with that relationship status when they like invented facebook, but I’m thinking I couldn’t have described it any better myself. Because it is complicated. (I have to admit, I was a little mad when this happened. But at the same time, I get it.)